biting off more than i can chew.

i have been struggling on what to name the project, but i settled on a name: “the blank project“. thinking about this album as a blank canvas for me to use stirs good feelings and good vibes to me. so, there. that’s the name of the project.

so now… okay, so update so far on the project. it’s been, what? two days?

i’ve never forced myself to sit down and write a song before. i have been able to sit down and force myself to write a poem, a short story, whatever – for my many different creative writing courses that i took throughout high school and college. but writing a song… it’s different.

when you write a short story, you just think of everything in your head and write it down. (that’s oversimplifying it, but essentially, you have an idea in your mind and you develop it, then write it.) a song… you have to come up with a decent, catchy melody. good rhythm. great words. there are more elements to it than just writing what comes to mind, you know?

maybe i’m overreacting a little, since it has been two days, but i’ve been sitting with my guitar in my room and playing whatever comes to mind – mixing and matching guitar chords, trying to find a good melody. my compulsive perfectionism prompts me to throw it all away – “too cheesy”, “too simple”, “too [insert shortcoming here]“… and the words don’t come up at all. it feels almost like i don’t have anything to say about anything. listen here, i’ve always been very vocal, very opinionated, very passionate. i always have something to say about something or someone. but now i feel like ariel in the little mermaid, when ursula took her voice. i don’t even feel like i have a voice. that’s how bad the writer’s block is right now.

i’ve been having this writer’s block for a while now. it’s been a long while since i last wrote something decent (or at least that’s decent in my view), and it has been crippling. i pretty much just turned my back to everything related to music in frustration. thought began to surface: “is my best work already done?”, along with a side of “is this as good as i’ll ever be?”. then those questions turn into an existentialist crisis – “do i really have the talent?”, “am i deluding myself?”, etc. then i just start doubting myself… a lot. and i give up and put my guitar aside, waving a white flag of surrender and walking away. the frustration and the bitterness take over and i abandon my guitar for months.

right now i’m just playing a lot of my favorite artists and influences and starting there for inspiration and help. the corrs, sara bareilles, adele, billy joel, eva cassidy, raul midon, corinne bailey rae… maybe listening to them will help me find my voice again. they originally inspired me to pursue my love for music, so i figured that’s a good place to start.

suddenly though, i feel like i may have bit off more than i can chew. the idea of writing an album of 14 original songs in 30 days now seems incredibly daunting. i just hope this writer’s block lifts soon.

i started this, and i intend on finishing it.

oh – and to everyone who saw my posts on facebook about me and lent me their support, thank you so much. :)


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